My non-existent condition...

It irritates me to no end when no one believes I have a medical condition.

One of the bones in my spinal column at the S1 and S2 nodes are concave inwards with spurs, causing a dip into the nodes, pinching my nerves and creating shooting pain through my lower back, upper back, shoulders, and legs.

Yet no one seems to believe I am in pain with this condition.

I do not scream in agony. I just live with it. I would grimace and grit my teeth and clench my fists.

The pain occurs at random times roughly about 3 times per week, at times when I could just be walking leisurely around or just standing at work. The episodes could last about half an hour to a few days.

I have learned not to walk like I'm in pain. Even the nerve specialist told me years ago that he would never have believed my condition if he wasn't holding my MRI scan in his hands. A good friend of mine informed me that if I limped and favoured a certain part of my body, the other part will carry the burden and will deteriorate even faster. That's why I walk normally like everyone else.

People don't believe I have this condition. They don't have to say it, I could tell in their eyes that they think I'm making it up. It's like I enjoy popping corticosteroids and pain pills and giving myself nausea, stomach cramps, drowsiness as side effects. Heck, who doesn't mind vomiting and being a space cadet driving and at work when I should be alert? Maybe I need to be in a wheelchair for people to understand.

In a course of about six years, I went into the hospital for the initial searing pain in my back, later on I had experienced a temporary paralysis (for about 15 minutes) in my legs, later I had x-rays done, I had a sports doctor from a university who was concerned about my condition and got me into a hospital for a MRI scan really quickly, then I had a nerve specialist run tests along my legs and back, and amongst all this time I was given corticosteroids and pain medications.

All the above must have been in my head for the last six years, this "non-existent condition" of mine...

(pardon me... I will now excuse myself as I need to pop some more pain pills as the pain is spreading from my back, down my legs, and into my toes...)